Chicken Taco Salad

I wasn't going to post this originally because, hey, everyone knows hot to make taco salad right?

Right!

But then I thought... well...I should include easy to make things too, easier than a normal recipe, because taco salad requires really no real recipe. It's just a bunch of chopping and such. Mostly.

Mostly. I alter things a bit, because I can't leave well enough alone.

No worries. It's still super easy. I like easy, and fast, especially during the week nights.

I am out of hamburger so this is going to be chicken. Chicken is better for you anyway!

If you are vegetarian, then leave out the chicken or use the faux strips I get for my sis.

As I have mentioned before, I get my chicken frozen cooked and in stripes in a bag at Costco. I HATE dealing with cleaning chicken. I do on occasion, but rarely.

If you use frozen like me, then put the strips in a skillet at medium heat with a little olive oil. Toss on about 1tsp of chili powder and a sprinkle of salt.

If you are using chicken breasts, clean them how you wish (I take out anything remotely red and veinish) and slice into strips or chunks. Remember to use a plastic or silicon cutting board and wash your hands frequently.

Do as above with your fresh chicken. 

Wash your hands.

With soap.

Let me smell them... 

Ok. Good to go.

Open a can of refried beans. Get a small saucepan ready to go with a little olive oil over medium heat. Chop a whole onion and a whole bell pepper.

Yes a whole one. You will use part now and part later.

Just trust me on this ok? Ok.

Add the onion and pepper to the pot and cook until happy. 

Have we not established this already?

Ok. Fine.

Happy=translucent color.

Dump in the beans. Mix with the onions. 

Get your spices ready.

If you have taco seasoning, use that. 1/2 pkg should be fine for beans and 1/2 for chicken.

If not, then use cumin, chili powder, garlic, coriander salt and pepper. 

As I mentioned before, I am out of the ground coriander and cumin so I am using seeds. See here how to squish.

Oh. Amounts. Ummmm... 1tsp of coriander, 2 tsp cumin, 1 tbs of chili and 1 tbs garlic. Dash of salt and pepper. This will be enough for the beans.

Put spices in beans and stir. Turn to low and let it get warm and yummy. (You could add cheese... if you reeeeeaaaaalllllyyyy wanted to)

Chop your veggies. You already did the onion.

Grate the cheese.

Chop the squishy cheese

See. Squishy cheese before its nuked.

Squishy cheese after nuking. With a little milk.

My array of veggies. I usually do cucumber too, but alas, it was growing odd things and had to be introduced to the Circular Graveyard for the Recently Departed.

Oh. Wait. Haha. Do cucumber. *shakes head* 

No pun intended. 

I need to get out more. 

Geez. That sounds even worse. 

Ok. I'm going to stop before I get myself in any further.

The beans should be done now. So you are ready to assemble.

Using tortillas or taco shells is perfectly acceptable. I like salad style.

Chips

Chicken

Cheeses

Veggies

Lettuce and sour cream and salsa and ranch dressing.

Yes. Ranch dressing. Hey, don't knock it till you try it. It's really yummy. I mean really. What's a salad without ranch dressing?

Now eat up. I always need more chips. The chip to stuff ratio is a tough configuration so to circumspect that, I just bring the bag of chips with me.

Of course, you can't have taco salad without pepsi. Cherry preferred. 

Bon Appetit!

White Bean Sweet Potato Chili

As I sit here eating chili cheese tots with the leftover chili form last night, it dawned on me that maybe I should share.

It's the end of the month and that means the pantry and frig are looking a little...well let's just say I can actually see the shelves in the frig and pantry k?

It is rainy and cold. Good night for chili right?

Crap. I have only white beans. Ooooh. I have sweet potatoes too... hmmmm.

Well, that wouldn't be too bad. Let's make a chili that has both. Warm and yummy and hearty. Perfect for a cold night.

Doesn't that look yummy?

Don't lie, you know it does.

If you don't like sweet potatoes, you've never had them this way. They add just a tiny, infinitesimal hint of sweetness. Awesome if you like your chili spiceh, spiceh, spiceh.

Channeling my inner donkey. Sorry.

To start off with you need one whole onion. Chop it into bits.

Wait, scratch that. Spices. You need spices. 

I was out of powdered cumin and coriander but I had seeds which are a million times better anyway, jsut take and extra step.

Warm up a ginormous pot with a little olive oil in the bottom. 

Get out your handy dandy spice squisher. (Also known as a mortar and pestle.)

If you do not have a squisher, then a rolling pin works to a the meat pounder (tenderizer).

Pound or squish until seeds are cracked. Like this.

See. Happy seeds. They are gonna be even happier when you throw them in hot, smoldering oil where they will fry their tooshies off. And get all smelly and yummy.

While they are getting happy, chop the onion. Chop a bell pepper up too.

Toss the onion in the pot with the now orgasmically happy seeds.

When onions are translucent-ish, toss in pepper too.

While they are getting happy together, chop you sweet potatoes in chunks.

See? Chunks. Now you know the difference between chunks and bits. These are little chunks because my stove is retarded. It doesn't like ginormous pans of anything let alone thick liquid. 

Stupid stove.

*dreams of a gas viking*

...

...

...

Also de-thaw your beans if in freezer as mine were. If you are using a can, drain and rinse the beans. 

No, the bean juice is NOT extra flavoring. Yuck.

You might also want to get out the bouillon, or in my case, Better than Bouillon. 

Trust me, it's better. 

This is a vegetarian base, so we use the veggie kind. Feel free to use chicken if you don't have veggie people in your house. No beef. This is not a beefy kinda meal. Use the beef in red chili.

Oh? Where to find it? Well here, Costco carries it in multiple flavors and so do our local grocery stores (Winco and Fred Meyer). I am sure you can find it in your local grocer. If not, the specialty stores like Whole Foods, etc probably have it.

It's worth it, trust me. Have I led you astray yet?

See, my point exactly.

Prepare your broth according to the box/jar directions. 

Throw some more spices in the pot. Garlic. Check.

Chili powder. check

White Pepper. Check.

Salt. Check.

I use about 1Tbs of each except the salt. Only about 1-2 tsp to taste. I add the salt after the liquid so I know how much I need. 

Let the new spices get happy with everything else for a minute or 2.

Pour a small amount of liquid in and "deglaze" the pot to get all the goodness off the bottom.

Now toss in everything else. 

Stop playing basketball with the potatoes.

Poor Potatoes.

That's potato abuse.

Place them in the pot with the beans and liquid. If you want chicken, add that in now too. It needs to be pre-cooked though. (cut into strips or chunks and saute in olive oil on medium heat until cooked through. Make sure you salt and pepper it before you cook it.)

Turn heat to medium and simmer till everything gets all happy together. I usually give it 30 mins or so.

Go have an amaretto sour while your waiting. Pop in a movie. Play on Pinterest. Do some laundry. Whatever.

Tonight I watched the Smurfs with the kids in between stages of dinner. 

When the smell drags you to the kitchen and your mouth is watering as you float toward the smell like Sylvester the cat...

Throw in some corn if you like that. I love corn in chili. MMMMMMM

Chop some cilantro.

Get out the sour cream.

And the bowls.

Taste one more time for necessary saltiness.

And serve. 

I nuked some chicken nuggets and chopped them up and put on top. It was actually pretty good. Feel free to add chicken strips or chunks into the chili. I won't be offended.

Easy as pie (and pie isn't easy always). Ok easy as...a boxed dinner but with fresh ingredients.

Enjoy!

Shepherd's Pie with Homemade Mashed Potatoes

It has been an interesting week, my morale has been at an all time low. My computer is being stupid, or rather some of the software is and I am seriously ready for a vacation. It's always times like these that you need some serious comfort food. No meals tonight, but something simple.

Homemade Mashed Potatoes (the best way) which will go on top of a bunch of veggies and stuff to make Shephard's Pie.

The key to amazing mashed potatoes is...

Nope not butter...

Nope not cream...

It's....
...
...
Potatoes!

See you would never have guessed! The type of potatoes you use will determine the wonderfullness of the taters.

Yukon Gold are my personal fave followed closely by red.

Russets are nasty. Stop buying them.

Yes, Yukon's are slightly more expensive but when you taste there natural yummy, creamy, melt in your mouth texture without the need for a bunch of extra stuff... You will be hooked. I promise.

Yes, I will pinky swear too.

So to start off, figure out how many people you are feeding. Most people (except my son) adore mashed potatoes so plan on 2 potatoes per person to chop into bits.

So for a family of 5=10 potatoes. add a couple more if you want leftovers to make potato cakes with later... mmmmmm potato cakes.

So...
10 potatoes, chopped into bits (they cook faster this way)
1 tbs butter
1/2-1c milk
salt and pepper
ginormous pot with salted water

Dump the taters you chopped into the water and cook at boiling until just fork tender. My stove has issues so it takes about 30 minutes. Yours may be fabulous and take 10. Just keep checking them every few minutes, 'cause you don't want them squishy.

While potatoes are cooking and getting all happy, pull out your frozen veggies. Generally I stick to corn, peas, green beans and carrots... maybe add some onion and green pepper.

1 onion
1/2 green pepper
all of the leftover bits and pieces of frozen veggie bags.

Get the onion and pepper happy in a skillet with a little olive oil. Oooooh! Throw in some mushrooms! That would be awesome!

MMMMMM Mushrooms!

Whip out a packet of french onion soup mix, or if you HAPPEN to have some leftover french onion soup from a meal, use that.

Heat it up in a pot, add some cornstarch.

Brown hamburger or veggie crumbles.

Dump all of the veggies, soupy stuff and burger bits into a 9x12 pan or a casserole dish. Casserole dishes work best, but use what you have.

By now potatoes are ready for smooshing.

Drain them. Please do not burn yourself.

Steam is hot. I know right? Amazing!

Pour 1/2c milk and 1 tbs butter into the pot the potatoes were in. Get the butter all melty and the milk nice n warm.

Why? Because I am telling you too and I am the boss right now!

No, really, because the cold of the milk and butter cause the happy starches of the taters to seize up and become gluey. We don't like gluey.

Pour the taters in.

Get out you smoosher.

NO! Do not use the hand blender! Geez!

Get out you great great grandmothers rusted, bent, mangled smoosher and smoosh.

The one with a long handle and funny looking holes or squiggles in the bottom.

Ya that thing. No it's not a branding iron.

*Sigh*

Ok, sorry, I will get the pictures in, I promise...Computer... Stupid...remember?

Squish taters until nice and creamy. If they are being uncooperative, add a little more milk and keep going. They will become creamy without electronic devices, trust me.

Conserve energy and all that.

With a spoon, put taters on top of soupy stuff. Do not push it down or try to spread it. This does not work.

Throw the...

Stop eating the potatoes. You need them for...

I said stop it.

See I told ya so.

Would you put the darn pan in the oven please, before they are all gone...?

Ok. Good. 350. 15-20mins or until warm.

Add cheddar cheese on top. Shredded of course. (Although squishy plastic cheese is good too)

When nice and warm pull out of oven and serve. If ya want to get all fancy, chop some green onions to throw over the top and nuke some rolls or bring out the bread so you can sop up all that soupy goodness.

Or heck, serve it over the bread. I won't tell.

Simple, easy and relatively fast.

Maybe tomorrow I will tell you my secret potato pancake recipe... 'cause it's really yummy with scrambled eggs and bacon....

Mmmmm bacon.

Sunday Breakfast - French Toast with Apple Compote

Sunday's are my day. Well, ok not ENTIRELY mine, I do have to share with my monkeys.

My Monkeys.

Anywho, so sundays are my day to clean the house and do other mommy stuff.

This morning, I happened to have some used bread left over from spaghetti night, so I decided french toast would be a good use for it before it became dry enough for bird food.

Of course, if you have french toast, then you have to have apple goo to put on top. Its required. No really. It is. If you don't have any apples to make your french toast happy then I suppose fresh berries are a good substitute.

But then you have to add whipped cream.

Sigh. Whipped Cream.

*shakes head*

Ok, back on track.

Today's breakfast's name...French Toast with Apple Compote, Tori's famous Macaroni and Cheese Eggs, Bacon and sausage.

The Bacon and sausage, if you so desire it, should be in the pan first. It takes the longest. If you are not vegetarian, you can use the greasy pan of their cookin's for your eggs for some extra yumminess.

If you are, or have a vegy person in your house, throw the bacon on a baking sheet line in foil and throw in oven. This allows it t all cook evenly at once, and doesn't risk contaminating the other food with grease splatters (and keeps cleanup of stove easier too)

I generally cook them at abou 300 or they will be done before everything else.

You could totally do the sausage this way too, but i use turkey sausage so it doesn't splatter.

Pour yourself a cup of coffee. Nectar of the gods...an all day sunday thing.

Ok, the apple compote takes the next longest to do.

You will need:

2 apples, cut into chunks (remember chunks are bigger than bits)

2 Tbs butter

squirt of maple syrup

2-3 Tbs brown sugar

dash of cinnamon

splash of vanilla

Melt butter into skillet, you'll want non-stick, trust me.

Saute' apples for a few minutes. Add rest of ingredients and get all melty. Turn heat to med-low. Let do its happy melty thing while you move one. Don't forget to stir every now and then.

Next prep the bread by cutting in 3/4 to 1" thick slices.

Then mix together

2 eggs

2 c milk

2 tsp vanilla

1/2c sugar

dash of cinnamon, and nutmeg if you want.

Whip up eggs first then add the other stuff, stir until it feel like sugar is mixed well in. You will have to mix off and on (between soaking slices) to keep sugar in place.

Damn sugar. Never stays where you want it to.

Get your pan all nice and warm. Cast iron is good for this. LOVE cast iron.

Stir the apples. You forgot.

Get a stick of butter out and schmear all over the bottom of the cast iron. If it is well seasoned, then you only need to do this once. If you are using nonstick (ugh) then every batch will need re-greasing.

Ok, so there are 2 ways to cook the french toast. There is the speedy, I am starvingm the kids are whining, way and the I have to do the dishes and clean the kitchen while cooking way.

Way #1. Soak bread in goo for a few seconds on each side. Oooh look BUBBLES!

Throw them in pan as is, and move on.

Way #2 Soak them in goo until all the bubbles are gone mostly.

*Sniff* No more bubbles.

Lay them in foil lined pan and let them sit for about 10 mins, then throw in over for another 8-10 mins on 325. (Or 300 is ok if your doing the bacon, although, if you are using way #2 to make toast, you will want to put bacon in after the toast is out 'cause it'll be done before toast and that mean cold bacon. Yuk.)

Ok. Take it out and NOW put it in greasy, buttery pan to fry it up.

Stir the apples. You forgot again.

What does this do you ask? It makes the insides stay soft and gets a crisp on the outside but makes sure everything is cooked through. If you do the pan way, you usually dry it out and overcook to get it cooked all the way through and you lose the creaminess of the innards.

Creamy innards=good and yummy. Got it? Ok.

Moving on.

Hang on, getting walloped by a pillow wielded by the perpetual toddler puppy.

.

.

.

.

Ok back.

Tori's Mac n Cheese Eggs

So whilst the toast is getting toasty, crack some eggs into a bowl and whisk.

Yes a fork works if you don't have a whisk, but seriously, get a whisk. It has multiple, non-egg uses.

Assume 2 eggs for each person unless they are 11 year old growing boys, then about 6 :-)

For our family of 5 (1 normal kid, 1 eat everything boy, myself and 1 overgrown eat everything boy and my sis- both who don't partake in eggs very often) we go through about 10.

Add a little salt and pepper to taste. Yes, before you cook them. Add some more after too. This is called LAYERS of flavor.

Very Important. Remember that.

Cook eggs in your yummy baconey (is that a word?) grease or a little olive oil.

Flip the french toast. Get out the plastic squishy cheese (velveeta or its generic)

Yes this is required as well. Real cheddar cheese does not work correctly for tori's mac n cheese eggs.

Cut 3-4 slices into chunks. The smaller the chunks, the faster it'll get all melty and happy.

When eggs are to correct doneness, add cheese and turn heat to low. If you don't you'll have a lot of clean up to do with burnt on cheese. YUK!

By this time everything should be getting done-ish

Assemble. Apples should be all happy, bacon and sausage done, french toast waiting, eggs just done.

(If you need to make large quantities of french toast, cover with wax paper and put in micro-nuker without turning on to keep warm. A towel over top of top of wax paper helps too.)

Ok your done. Yummy Sunday morning breakfast.

Signature Dish- Noodles in lemon garlic cream sauce, salad with raspberry vinaigrette, steak with blue cheese butter, foccacia

On occasion...I say that a lot it seems...On very RARE occasion I take the time to make my signature dish.

Why is it signature you ask? Well, this is 100% mine. No altered recipe, all mine. And it was my very very first recipe like that. There are a couple of others. When I make them, I'll post them.

So earlier I posted about Alfredo sauce and said in the once in a great while that I made it, when I did again, I would post pics.

Tonight is one of those nights.

On the menu tonight is Steak with blue-cheese, roasted garlic and herb butter, Homemade noodles with garlic lemon cream sauce, Salad with apples and blue cheese with raspberry vinaigrette and foccacia.

Ok so the foccacia I bought this time because I didn't get home early enough to make making bread feasible. I'll give you the recipe anyway. It's pretty easy.

Let's start with that because it takes the longest.

No. Wait. No. Nevermind.

Oh. Get out the butter so it can warm up. You need it kinda squishy.

The Bread. Although when you bake it, throw in the garlic head covered in olive oil wrapped in foil to bake with it. You'll want it to cool before you squish it.

Foccacia - This is mom's recipe. Again, I don't alter baked goods, usually.

If you have a bread machine, this makes this a million times easier. I don't bake in my bread machine, I just make the dough. I have this thing against bread that is rounded on the end and not length wise. It bothers me.

1c Lukewarm water

1 pkg yeast (2 1/4 teas if you do bulk like we do)

Mis these together. Let them get all happy in the warm bath.

In mixer dump...

1 1/2 c flour

1 Tbs Rosemary

2t salt

3T oil.

Pour in the water mix. Use your dough hook for this it work best. If using the bread maker, liquids first, then dry.

Mix until soft ball forms.

If needed, add more flour.

I always end up adding more flour.

Knead dough until its stiffish.

Get a pan that is a good size at. Err baking sheet. Technicalities sheesh!

Roll dough out into flattened circle of about 1 foot. (12") ONTO THE PAN. Seriously, you don't want to pick it up afterward. No more nice roundish bread...

Stick your fingers in it lightly. Ok act like you are a concert pianist and play the bread. You want little pockmarks, its ok. Really.

Brush top of dough with oil and sprinkle with pepper. Fresh cracked or course, silly. Geez!

Let it rise for 30 mins in a warm but not HOT place.

Bake at 400 fo 20-25 mins. Brush top with oil again and some kosher salt when out of oven.

Don't forget to throw the garlic into the oven.

Next is making the noodles. No it is not hard, so shush. Its very, very easy. And doesn't take forever, just longer than what a quick evening meal requires.

It takes a million ingredients too.

Ready?

You sure?

Ok. Here goes. *Deep breath, cracks fingers

6 eggs

3 C Flour

Whew! *wipes brow* that was tough.

Now what do you do?

Put the flour in a bowl or on a flat surface. Yes, flat. Because a non-flat surface causes gravity issues, that's why.

Fine.

Make a hollow in middle of your pile of flour. Crack in the eggs.

Get a fork. Whisk egg and grab a little flour from the edges as you do, working it into the eggs. Keep grabbing flour until the fork is no good anymore. Then get your hands in there and fluff in flour and squish together.

Now you have enough in there its time to start kneading.

Knead the dough until everything is incorporated together and it makes a stiff ball.

Wrap in oiled plastic wrap and set aside away from heat to rest for 30 mins or so.

If its gonna be longer, throw it in the fridge. No don't literally throw it! Ok. Go clean up the milk you just spilled.

When you are ready to boil the noodles, get the dough out and warm it up to room temp. Roll out so its about 1/16 to 1/8" thick. If you have a fancy pasta attachment for your mixer, use it. If you have a manual machine (like I do) us that.

Cut noodles into desired width. Powder with flour to keep them from sticking together, because trust me, they will. Like glue on.. well whatever. Like glue.

To cook, boil water with a little oil and salt. Salt is important.

They take like 2 seconds to cook. Well maybe 60, but not very long.

DO NOT COOK UNTIL YOU ARE READY TO EAT! They will become glue if not served fresh.

Ok. Now that that is clear as mud.

Next course errr, part.

Get out the steaks. Throw on some seasoning. Salt, pepper, garlic.

No really. That's it.

I like using strip steaks but my fave is ribeye.

Get out the butter. Warm it up if you forgot to get it out earlier. 20 secs in micro-niker is fine.

You will also need...

2 Tbs blue cheese, crumbled. Or however much you want to put in. I use half of one of those little pre-crumbled cartons.

your head of now very happy roasted garlic.

Pinch of basil

Pinch of thyme

Throw butter in bowl.

No, don't actually throw it! Geez now look at that mess!

Poor counters. Never saw it coming.

Now that you have scraped it off the counter and wall, put it in the bowl. Better.

Add the blue cheese and herbage and then squish the cloves of garlic tip to base to squeeze out all that good squishy stuff inside. Squish. Squish.

Ok now, get a fork. Squish all of your ingredients together. Good job!

Now that your butter is all happy and content, dump it out onto a piece of plastic wrap or wax paper. (To keep mother nature happy, wax paper is better!)

Roll the paper around the butter and help it make a log by pushing it outward a little as you roll. Twist the ends tight until a solid log is formed.

Toss in freezer or fridge. If you like you steaks medium to rare then freezer is better, well done, fridge should be ok.

The steaks can now go into the oven on broil or on the grill. Also if you are going to fix a veggie, like asparagus, then get that to cooking too. (Water, plate, wax paper, microwave for 5 mins)

Get out your alfredo ingredients.

Cream, lemon, cheese, garlic, salt and pepper.

Remember to not add the cheese and lemon juice until the VERY end k?

See recipe for alfredo sauce

I made a salad with mine just 'cause.

If you like the looks of this I used

Lettuce, blue cheese, apples, onions, cucumbers and generally top with a raspberry vinaigrette or other vinegar based dressing.

Yes, apples. Cranberries, blueberries, strawberries, oranges, these are all very yummy in salads. So are nuts...I especially like almonds or pecans caramelized with it. MMMMMMMM.

So in about 5-10 minutes, 15 if you like your steak extra crunchy, dinner is done.

I told you this was a long haul. This is a special, once every now and then, takes a few hours to do kinda meal. Plan ahead. Anticipation is everything.

Now assemble and enjoy!

Oh, ya. I have a serious thing for mushrooms. So i added mushrooms. These are baby bella's 'cause in the PNW we have LOTS of mushrooms for cheap.

Ok. I'm done now :-)

Veg-alicious Sandwiches.

Do you have a bunch of random bits and pieces of vegetables in your fridge drawers that you haven't quite needed yet and don't know what to do with?

Did you shop the used bread section at Freddies and get some awesome stuff but have no clue what to do with it?

Are you looking for a quick and easy meal in about 30 mins or so?

If you answered yes to any of these question then I have the recipe for you!

This is one mom came up with at some point, and well, I made up my own version of hers.

Today's random veggies:

-Brussel Sprouts

-Sweet Potatoes

-Cauliflower

-Onion

-Bell Pepper

-Mushrooms

So dig them out of the drawers, cut off any bad parts ('cause you know that the cauliflower you bought a month ago has one or 2)

Chop into decent sized bits and dump into a good size bowl.

Get out your balsamic vinegar, garlic, salt, pepper and olive oil.

Yes you may substitute the oil for what you have on hand. Balsamic or other dark vinegar (malt, etc) are required for the depth of flavor. If you must, red wine is a good sub, but def not white or apple cider ok? Ok.

If you need a lesson on vinegars, I will be happy to give one. OOOOH! Maybe do a post about vinegars and basic herbs/spices and their uses! YES!

Sorry, got side-tracked.

Anyway, pour in some vinegar and oil in the bowl. Nope, no need to measure just throw some in, enough to cover the veggies when tossed around. Sprinkle in some garlic and a pinch of salt and pepper.

If you toss around and it doesn't look like enough vinegar or oil, add a little more.

Fine. Maybe 2-3 Tbs of oil to 4 c of veggies, 5-6Tbs vinegar. K?

Geez! I will teach you to wing it. Measuring is for the birds unless its baking. Then its required. Just start with a little, taste it, if its not enough, add more. Easy. Just START SMALL. Better to add than to have to take away, 'cause taking away is pretty impossible. And fixing is not fun.

Ok. So, turn on the oven.. maybe 350-375 or there abouts. If your oven is retarded like mine is, then higher or lower is fine.

Dump your veggies onto a FOIL lined baking sheet or jelly roll pan (baking sheet with sides) Trust me. The foil will make your life SOOOO much easier when its time to clean up. Recycle the foil, though ok? Gotta remember mother earth and protecting her.

Throw in oven and let do its happy thing. You might want to turn them once in the cooking. I ignore them and go play on pinterest for awhile.

When the house starts to smell good (about 20 mins or so, depending on the retarded oven), grab that random bread, slather it with whatever cheese you have on hand, throw in oven to get all melty.

While its getting all melty, grab out the stuff you like on sandwiches. Mayo and horseradish.

Or whatever.

Assemble sandwiches. Your done.

See? Easy?

If you are so inclined, you can make something like mac n cheese or fries or corn on the cob or devilled eggs or whatever suits your mood and the season.

I do coleslaw, devilled eggs and corn in the summer, pasta in the winter.

Don't ask me why, I'm just odd that way.

I need to give you my devilled egg and coleslaw recipes at some point. They are other things that are super simple.

This is, by the way, a great meal for camping. Cut veggies store in plastic containers, getting all happy in the juices. Bring a cast iron skillet and some foil to put over it and cook over campfire. It was a big hit!

Who said you can't do gourmet cooking while camping?

The cupcake Fiasco-Red Velvet Cupcakes

Let me tell you about the cupcakes.

I have a thing for red velvet cake. LOVE red velvet cake. It was a special treat when granny made it for birthdays.

So, lately, there have been a million recipes floating around about variations of red velvet baked goods.

I decided to make red velvet cupcakes for the kids for school. This is the only school celebrated day there is (Don't get me started). I saved all that money and time not having to do stuff for Halloween and Christmas, so why not splurge on V's day.

Yes, I'm crazy, we've established this. Whats your point?

I searched the inter-web for a decent red velvet cupcake recipe and made a special trip to the store to buy some of the necessary ingredients.

I was up until 1am making and frosting said cupcakes. Red velvet with cream cheese frosting. And sprinkles. Mustn't forget the sprinkles. They are a requirement.

I had to work early and decided to deliver the cupcakes as a surprise during the school day to the kids.

I got off work, had a great meeting at Molly's Fund, was super excited to bring the cupcakes to the kids. I ran by the store, grabbed a mylar balloon and a rose for each of them, because, well, they are the loves of my life.

I ran home and grabbed the 60 cupcakes I had made the previous night and drove to school.

I walked in the front door, hands laden with yummy treats and the gifts for the kids. The secretary lady walks up to the counter as I approach, unsmiling. This is odd. She is always happy and nice and friendly. Maybe her hubby didn't get her flowers.

"Are those homemade?" she asks sternly

"Um... ya..."

"I can't let you bring those to the classroom. Unless they are store bought, the kids can't have them."

My eyes start to water. Damn eyes.

"Are you kidding? I stayed up late to make these for them, spent $30 in stuff to do this."

"I'm sorry."

In the meantime, the principal walks up and says the 8 dreadful words "I need to talk to you for a minute"

Oh great. Now I have to go to the principals office. They probably won't even let me take the balloons and roses to the kids 'cause, you know, the helium, it causes cancer and they might smell it and be hooked on drugs by the time they are 42 and the rose may have a wayward thorn that will suddenly grow and bite someone and put them into a deep sleep only to be awoken by an ogre.

Eyes are watering more. Damn eyes.

"I think your daughter has lice." He tells me in his office.

WHAT?!!?!?!?!? I mean, ok. My house isn't perfect, i'm a single mom. With 3 jobs. But its certainly not dirty.

F*&^

"She has been scratching and there are white flakes in her hair...Their have been other cases of lice in her class so she may have contracted it from another student."

Flaky and itchy....Dandruff?

"She has cradle cap. It causes the same thing."

"Oh. Well, I'll look at her at let you know."

FML

"I'm sorry about the cupcakes."

Oh sure. Rub it in.

I managed to get the balloons and roses upstairs to the kids, thoroughly embarrassing them.

I grabbed my cupcakes and left the school.

60 f'ing cupcakes! 3 hrs of sleep. $30 of wasted money

Ok. I'll give you the bloody recipe. I needed to vent first.

Want to see the cupcakes? Of course you do.

60 F'ING CUPCAKES.

Ok. I'm done now.

The recipe I can take no credit for at all. I got it here.

There are some things I don't mess with, and baked goods are one of them...well, unless its adding bits (like chocolate chips) or cheesecake. I screw around a lot with cheesecake. MMMMM cheesecake.

Focus. Deep Breath. OK.

2 1/2 cups sifted cake flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa powder
2 oz. red food coloring (two bottles) or 4 oz beet juice (if you use unprocessed light cocoa you can leave out the food dyes and you'll get a warm red/brown color)
1/2 cup unsalted butter, softened
1 1/2 cups sugar
2 eggs, at room temperature
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 cup buttermilk, at room temperature
1 teaspoon white vinegar
1 teaspoon baking soda

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Line two 12-cup muffin tins or silicone pans with cupcake liners.

2. Sift together the cake flour, baking powder, and salt into a medium bowl and set aside. In a smaller bowl, mix food coloring and cocoa powder to form a thin paste without lumps and set aside.

3. In a large bowl, using a hand mixer or stand mixer, beat butter and sugar together until light and fluffy, about three minutes. Beat in eggs, one at a time, then beat in vanilla and the red cocoa paste, scraping down the bowl with a spatula as you go. Add one third of the flour mixture to the butter mixture, beat well, then beat in half of the buttermilk. Beat in another third of flour mixture, then second half of buttermilk. End with the last third of the flour mixture, beat until well combined, making sure to scrape down the bowl with a spatula.

4. In a small bowl, mix vinegar and baking soda. Be careful as it will fizz so don't do it in a shallow bowl. Add vinegar mixture to the cake batter and stir well to combine. Fill cupcake cups with cake batter until they are a little under 3/4 full. I ended up with 20 cupcakes. Place muffin tins in your preheated oven. Bake for approximately 20, rotating pans halfway through. The cupcakes are done when you are able to pat the tops and the cake springs back up. If it sinks down they are not yet complete. Or you can insert a toothpick into the center of a cupcake in the center of the tin and if it comes out clean they are done!

5. Cool the cupcakes in their tins on a wire rack for 10 minutes then remove and allow to cool completely before frosting.

6. Enjoy!

Now the cream cheese frosting is all mine! Mine I tell you!
1 pkg cream cheese
1/2 stick of butter
Put them in the micro-nuker for 30 secs. Yes, silly, unwrap them, geez.
Put them in the blender and turn it on. When its all nice and squishy add...
1/2 pkg powdered sugar
splash of vanilla
Blend some more in your blender with the blending paddle blender thingy. (I love my kitchen aid mixer)
Oh. Be sure to scrape down the sides. Cream cheese likes to be stubborn.
Taste. Taste again. One more time. Is it perfect? Are you sure? Your positive?
Only fools are positive. Are you sure? I'm positive.
Now taste the frosting with the batter jsut to be absolutely sure it goes together. Oh. Wait. That's just me.
Has the batter grown while you made the frosting?
Mine did too. I was afraid it would be a never ending bowl of cupcake batter. Finally the hot water killed it in a bloody mess down the sink.
It was awesome.


Ok so now your done. Wait till the cupcakes are cool before you frost them. I use a bag with a large open tip and put the tip almost down to the cake and squeeze and rise at same time. Add the sprinkles. They are a requirement.

Repeat.

Want some of mine? I have 60 of them.

Happy Valentines Day!

Broccoli Cheese Soup

Every Thursday, and I blame my mother for this, we have soup. Most weeks its canned because I'm lazy. Or because I work 3 jobs and go to school full time and have 2 kids. Nope that wouldn't be it.

Sometimes, I feel frisky and actually make soup.

Today, my son had to go through a bunch of lab tests to see why he is hurting all the time. His favorite is Aunt Katie's broccoli cheese soup.

So that's what he got!

This is actually my sister's recipe. I didn't alter it I don't think, but I honestly have never been in the kitchen while she makes it, just know the ingredients, basically and that it is magical.

Here's what you need to gather. Reminder. These are staples at my house (except the fancy cheese) Alter as needed to be what you have at home. Chicken stock surely will do if that's what you have. I won't be offended, promise

2 Tbs Better than Bouillon (we use vegy version)

4 c Water

1 Onion cut into bits

3 celery stalks, sliced (cuz its easier than bits)

Cheese (I use sharp cheddar, smoked gouda and a little velveeta)

Broccoli (duh!) chopped. I use fresh, but frozen works too. What? No quantities? Nope. Put in as much or as little as you like

3 big Carrots shredded. (we are going to puree them in a little bit, so just do it already)

Potatoes (optional) cut into chunks

2 c Milk or if you are feeling adventurous, cream or half n half.

First step, shred the damn carrots. I use my handy food processor (and you can grate the cheese too while your at it, except the velveeta. Doesn't work. Trust me.) You can use ye old cheese grater too. Watch your knuckles.

Saute (put a little oil in bottom of pan and throw in stuff) in ginormous pot, onion, celery. When they are a little brown and translucent (oooh big word!) add in carrots, bouillon and water. Let cook until carrots are squishy. Won't take long.

Get out your blender. Or the stick blender if'n you have one. If you don't, go spend 10 bucks and get one. They are amazing.

Blend what in the pot until everything is thoroughly murdered. Got it?

K.

Dump in 2c milk, broccoli and potatoes. DO NOT TOUCH THE CHEESE!

Stop eating it or you wont have enough left.

I said stop it.

OK. Onward.

Cook until broccoli is tender and taters are too. Turn off the heat. THIS IS IMPORTANT!

NOW add the cheese. Cook only long enough to melt. If the cheese gets too hot, it will separate. It will still taste good, just look funky. Kids don't like funky looking soup.

That's it your done!

Throw in a grilled cheese on texas toast if you desire or crackers work too. Or whatever random bread you have laying around.

Easy meal. 30 mins or so.

Alfredo

Ok. I promised. No pictures though. I will put them up when I make this again.

This is the base recipe. I add lemon juice and other yumminess as the mood suits.

1/2 pint heavy cream

Ok so this particular day I had no Moz. so I used laughing cow cheese we buy in large quantity. It worked.

Anyway.

wedge of parmesan cheese, grated. Yes the fresh stuff. Not the powdered. Ewww.

Mozzarella...um...4 oz maybe. Ok 1/2 a normal block. Geez.

Grate that too.

Garlic.

Garlic.

Garlic.

You can roast the whole garlic clove in the oven and its extra yummy. Coat in olive oil and wrap in foil. Bake at 250 till it smells good. Squeeze the pods (cloves) into the mix when ready.

Easy.

Heat up the cream. If you are watching your waist line, don't look too hard, you'll go cross eyed.

Kidding.

Use 1/2 n 1/2 or better yet fat free half n half (gasp!). This is my coffee creamer actually. Coffee. Elixir of the gods.

I digress. Alfredo.

Heat creamy liquid substance.

When warm, not boiling, add in cheeses. Stir until melty. Squish garlic. Stir.

Done.

See? Easy.

I do on occasion, as mentioned above, add extra things. Lemon is my favorite for a classic recipe involving fresh, made from scratch noodles and chicken.

Ok. I am really going to bed now.

Night.

Tortellini Primavera with Orange-Ginger Carrots

After tomorrow, if I pass my exams, I will begin the life of a sales rep for an insurance company...out of the world of retail and into the real life of corporate america. Goddess help me.

It will mark my last day to be able to cook beyond the box for awhile, if things go as planned. We can always hope for more free time than planned, but, well...so ya.

I made pasta. And veggies. A simple, easy meal. And I did it while studying for my exams. Stir. Study. Chop. Study. Stir... you get the idea.

Let's call it... Tortellini Primavera with Orange-Ginger Glazed Carrots.

OOOOOH. That sounds fancy!

Ok so, don't do what I did. You WANT to start with the carrots. They are hard. They take too long to cook. They are yummy when lubed well with butter, brown sugar and ginger.

Oh ya! Start the ginormous pot you use for noodles with water or broth.

Grab some regular sized carrots. I feed a family of 5 (3 adults 2 monkeys) so I grabbed 5 or 6. Chop the carrots thinlyish if you are thinking you will be short on time (for instance, forgetting to cook carrots until the noodles were mostly done and then crying holy shit! The carrots!). Chop evenly about 1/4" thick if you remember to do it before the noodles.

You'll also want:

1/4 c Brown Sugar

1/2 t Ginger

1 Orange (squeeze juice into pot with carrots)

Salt and pepper

Dump all ingredients together in small pot with maybe 1/2 c water. Medium heat, cook until tender. Or until noodles are done, whichever.

Move on, move on. "Clean cup, clean cup, move down move dooooowwwwwn"

Sorry. Channelling my inner Mad Hatter.

Snack.

Gasp! Is that? Why yes, yes it is. The leftover mango salsa (the guac was gone). And a few chips.

I was starving, so sue me.

You will want to add vegies to your noodles. Because you do. Trust me on this.

Sorry, it was steamy. Lenses on cameras and steam don't mix.

See it looks yummy!

Just add the darn veggies, k? K.

My sis is vegetarian, so usually I don't do meat. It's expensive and it's a pain in the butt to make multiple versions. If you want to add chicken, oooh or ham, go for it. No hard feelings. I buy the big bags of frozen, pre-cooked chicken strips at Costco to add in small amounts on occasion.

Back to the vegies.

Chop into chunks the broccoli, mushrooms, artichokes ('cause they are yummy and Costco sells them in big jars and when all else fails for additions to noodles, you have them!) and frozen peas. Yes, peas. Just trust me, will ya?

Don't chop the peas. That would be... interesting.

If you have other veggies hangin' out in small amounts in the frig, toss them in. Squash, cauliflower, carrots, spinach. They all work well. I happened to just want these in today as I have freshly procured them from the local market. (Remember, buy local!)

Saute over medium heat.

At this point your carrots should be good and bubbly. If they aren't cooking fast enough, throw a saucer (or lid if you actually remember where you put them) to speed the cooking.

Next. Noodles. The star of the show.

I am a noodle-a-holic and a sauce making aficionado.

Grab a jar of alfredo from your favorite brand out of the pantry.

Sigh.

Yes, if you want, I will supply a recipe for making it from scratch. It's easy. No really, it is. It just requires more time and more ingredients.

Onward.

Grab noodles of choice. I found, on sale even, dried organic tortellini, the multi-colored kind. Everything should be multi-colored! It makes life more entertaining!

Stupid steam.

Dump noodles in water. Toss in some salt and oil. Olive is my fave, but any will do. If you are feeling REALLY adventurous, you could have heated up some broth instead. MMMMMMMM.

Nom nom nom. Crunch. Nom nom nom.

Oh. Sorry. Chips.

Hum a song. Go study for 5 or 10 minutes. Remember to stir the veggies so they don't burn. The water from the frozen peas and the sweat from the mushrooms should be enough lubricant to prevent that, but you never know.

I'm obsessed with cast iron. It gets hot fast.

.

.

.

Ok. Noodles are done. Dump the sauce into the vegies. Darin the noodles. Or heck, drain them even.

Turn off the stove. (Important tip)

Assemble on plate. Noodles with sauce and vegies over top, carrots on side. If you have bread, use the damn toaster spread it with butter, sprinkle over some garlic powder. Instant garlic bread.

I didn't have bread. I keep forgetting to go to the used bread store by work.

I didn't mix the vegies in the sauce 'cause I have some picky eaters. They need to be able to pick out the mushrooms with ease. Crazy people who don't like mushrooms. I mean really.

So there it is. My simple, final meal.

Wish me luck on the test tomorrow. Now I must go die. 4 am wake up to go to work.