Honeyed Apricot-Peach Cream Cheese Tart

Yesterday I kept toying with the idea of whether I was really in the mood to make something or not. I have these lovely apricots and peaches and pears I bought last week at the produce market that are in need of being used before they go bad.

Gorgeous right?

So, this morning, I made a tart for breakfast. With scrambled eggs and sausage of course, because, well, it's Saturday which means I have to make a decent breakfast before running off to work. Any other day of the week would be an egg on toast. Weekends, working or no, I feel the need to make breakfast.

Maybe I should have waited until Sunday. I'm off Sunday. Oh well.

Assemble thine ingredients:

Fruit (I ended up using 3 apricots and 2 peaches very thinly sliced)

flour

sugar

1 stick butter

1 block cream cheese

honey

ginger

coffee. It's saturday morning. Coffee is a necessity.

Get out your handy dandy food processor. Attach normal blade that can take off your fingers and the flat top with the hole in it. Grab the cap too, because we are playing with flour and well, the whole kitchen does not need to be dusted...unless of course you want the family to think you slaved all morning, then by all means, dust away.

 Throw in butter(cold) and 1 1/4 c flour and 1/3c sugar. Keep the butter wrapper. 

Why?

Why, why, why. SO many questions!

Prepare for history lesson... commencing in 3-2-1...In the depression era, there was little money and little food. You had to *gasp* make use of every tiny part of the things you had because there was no room for waste. Think pinching pennies to the max. Using things like the part of veggies you trimmed off for broth, water for boiling used for bread or other meals, and butter wrappers are excellent for lubing up pans and dishes before baking in them. 

Keep you butter wrappers in a plastic baggy and use them, instead of a cooking spray to lube up your bakeware. Not only are you saving money, but the environment (less waste).

..End of lecture for today...

Turn on food processor and make lots of noise until it is blended and crumbly looking and the butter stops clunking around. No clunking is usually a good sign.

 Turn off noisy machine. Add water through the top hole 1 Tbs at a time, pulsing between each. Wow. That sounded dirty.

Keep adding water until it just barely comes together to form a dough.

Drag out a small baking sheet or jelly roll pan. Lube up with butter wrapper. NOW you can recycle it. It is paper after all.

Turn dough out onto pan and scrape together and fold once or twice, just enough to make it into a solid dough. 

You are supposed to chill the dough for an hour before using it. I spread it out onto the bottom of the pan and threw it in the freezer for 10 minutes while oven was heating.

If you have some extra butter (or wrapper), baste over top of dough. Toss in oven for 5-10 mins just enough to get the dough to harden a little. The butter will make it a pretty pale goldenish color.

While dough is in oven, thinly slice your fruit. And I mean thinly, or it will take too long to cook and you'll have burnt dough and raw fruit. No good.

Nuke your cream cheese in a microwave safe bowl for about 30 seconds. Enough to make it squishy enough to work with. Add 1 Tbs honey and 1/8t (pinch) of ginger. Mix.

Pull dough out of oven and dump on cream cheese mix. Spread evenly over crust with back of spoon. Layer on your fruit slices in whatever arrangement is aesthetically pleasing to you. 

I did rows... because I did. 

Toss back in over on TOP rack for 15-20 mins or until fruit is starting to shrivel a little. Using your fancy basting brush, baste honey (heated works best) over top about 10 mins into cooking.

While in the oven, scramble your eggs and fry up your sausage. And have more coffee. We need coffee.

And you are done. This one takes about an hour start to finish, so if you are working, make sure you start it more than an hour before work so you actually get some. 

Damned computer. Always get sidetracked...

Banana Butterscotch Streusel Muffins

You know those bananas you bought last week, 'cause you were craving bananas? You bought a bunch because it feels weird to buy just one or two, right? And then you ate only one or two and the rest just sat... and sat...and sat...

and now....

They are perfect for banana bread!

But wait! Banana bread so Boooooorrrriiinnnngggg. Snore.

What's that? You have other random baking stuffs in your pantry?

OOOOHHHHHH!

Well then, let's snazz up banana bread, shall we?

Stop licking the screen. You don't know where it's been.

No seriously. Stop.

So, how abouts we do butterscotch banana bread, maybe even with some coconut thrown in?

Yeah, see that's what I thought!

Let's start with those poor pathetic bananas.

They need a little squishing. But, I'm lazy, as we have found throughout our cooking journey together. I let my kitchen aid mixer do the work.

Generally, you should cream the butter and sugar together first, but, I got carried away. Toss the bananas in a bowl, peeled of course.

Now laugh. 'Cause they look like light yellow poop.

See?

Ok. now throw in 1/2 stick of butter and 3/4 c sugar.

Mix to get all mooshy. Don't worry, it'll be liquidy.

While it's doing its thing (if you are using a stand mixer), measure out 2 cups of flour, 3/4 teas baking powder and 1/2 teas salt. Mix together with a fork.

Add 2 eggs to butter-sugar-banana mix as well as 1/3c sour cream and a splash of vanilla, rum or almond extract. Any of the extracts are good, but each brings a different flavor. Coconut extract is yummy too.

Once it is all mixed well, add flour mixture and blend well.

Now add butterscotch chips and coconut if you so wish. I added coconut later, not to the mix, because I have non-coconut lovers in my house.

I know. Shameful.

Anyway. Grab out your muffin tins. These make roughly a dozen small or 6 texas muffin sized muffins. Spray them down with some sort of lubrication. Pam, butter, or whatever is in your misto bottle is fine.

Fill your cups almost to the top, a little more than 3/4 full to get that store-bought muffin top. If you want, sprinkle some coconut in the bottom of some of the cups before adding batter and a little to the top after, to mark which ones you did that to. This is how I got coconut into select muffins for my split house.

Pre-streusel topping.

Ok. Now. Before you put it in the oven, mix 2 Tbs butter, 1/4c oats, 1/4c brown sugar and if you have them, a few sliced almonds or pecan bits.

Note. Almonds are a superfood, so this addition makes the muffins healthy. :-P

Spoon topping over the top mounding it slightly.

Toss the pans in the oven for maybe like... mmmmm... 15-20 mins.

Go play on Pinterest or in my case, start dinner while they were cooking.


When the buzzer reminds you that there is something in the oven, remove them and let them sit until you can touch them and not receive 2nd degree burns.

Enjoy your caramelly, butterscotchy, banana-y goodness.

MMMMMMM.

The cupcake Fiasco-Red Velvet Cupcakes

Let me tell you about the cupcakes.

I have a thing for red velvet cake. LOVE red velvet cake. It was a special treat when granny made it for birthdays.

So, lately, there have been a million recipes floating around about variations of red velvet baked goods.

I decided to make red velvet cupcakes for the kids for school. This is the only school celebrated day there is (Don't get me started). I saved all that money and time not having to do stuff for Halloween and Christmas, so why not splurge on V's day.

Yes, I'm crazy, we've established this. Whats your point?

I searched the inter-web for a decent red velvet cupcake recipe and made a special trip to the store to buy some of the necessary ingredients.

I was up until 1am making and frosting said cupcakes. Red velvet with cream cheese frosting. And sprinkles. Mustn't forget the sprinkles. They are a requirement.

I had to work early and decided to deliver the cupcakes as a surprise during the school day to the kids.

I got off work, had a great meeting at Molly's Fund, was super excited to bring the cupcakes to the kids. I ran by the store, grabbed a mylar balloon and a rose for each of them, because, well, they are the loves of my life.

I ran home and grabbed the 60 cupcakes I had made the previous night and drove to school.

I walked in the front door, hands laden with yummy treats and the gifts for the kids. The secretary lady walks up to the counter as I approach, unsmiling. This is odd. She is always happy and nice and friendly. Maybe her hubby didn't get her flowers.

"Are those homemade?" she asks sternly

"Um... ya..."

"I can't let you bring those to the classroom. Unless they are store bought, the kids can't have them."

My eyes start to water. Damn eyes.

"Are you kidding? I stayed up late to make these for them, spent $30 in stuff to do this."

"I'm sorry."

In the meantime, the principal walks up and says the 8 dreadful words "I need to talk to you for a minute"

Oh great. Now I have to go to the principals office. They probably won't even let me take the balloons and roses to the kids 'cause, you know, the helium, it causes cancer and they might smell it and be hooked on drugs by the time they are 42 and the rose may have a wayward thorn that will suddenly grow and bite someone and put them into a deep sleep only to be awoken by an ogre.

Eyes are watering more. Damn eyes.

"I think your daughter has lice." He tells me in his office.

WHAT?!!?!?!?!? I mean, ok. My house isn't perfect, i'm a single mom. With 3 jobs. But its certainly not dirty.

F*&^

"She has been scratching and there are white flakes in her hair...Their have been other cases of lice in her class so she may have contracted it from another student."

Flaky and itchy....Dandruff?

"She has cradle cap. It causes the same thing."

"Oh. Well, I'll look at her at let you know."

FML

"I'm sorry about the cupcakes."

Oh sure. Rub it in.

I managed to get the balloons and roses upstairs to the kids, thoroughly embarrassing them.

I grabbed my cupcakes and left the school.

60 f'ing cupcakes! 3 hrs of sleep. $30 of wasted money

Ok. I'll give you the bloody recipe. I needed to vent first.

Want to see the cupcakes? Of course you do.

60 F'ING CUPCAKES.

Ok. I'm done now.

The recipe I can take no credit for at all. I got it here.

There are some things I don't mess with, and baked goods are one of them...well, unless its adding bits (like chocolate chips) or cheesecake. I screw around a lot with cheesecake. MMMMM cheesecake.

Focus. Deep Breath. OK.

2 1/2 cups sifted cake flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa powder
2 oz. red food coloring (two bottles) or 4 oz beet juice (if you use unprocessed light cocoa you can leave out the food dyes and you'll get a warm red/brown color)
1/2 cup unsalted butter, softened
1 1/2 cups sugar
2 eggs, at room temperature
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 cup buttermilk, at room temperature
1 teaspoon white vinegar
1 teaspoon baking soda

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Line two 12-cup muffin tins or silicone pans with cupcake liners.

2. Sift together the cake flour, baking powder, and salt into a medium bowl and set aside. In a smaller bowl, mix food coloring and cocoa powder to form a thin paste without lumps and set aside.

3. In a large bowl, using a hand mixer or stand mixer, beat butter and sugar together until light and fluffy, about three minutes. Beat in eggs, one at a time, then beat in vanilla and the red cocoa paste, scraping down the bowl with a spatula as you go. Add one third of the flour mixture to the butter mixture, beat well, then beat in half of the buttermilk. Beat in another third of flour mixture, then second half of buttermilk. End with the last third of the flour mixture, beat until well combined, making sure to scrape down the bowl with a spatula.

4. In a small bowl, mix vinegar and baking soda. Be careful as it will fizz so don't do it in a shallow bowl. Add vinegar mixture to the cake batter and stir well to combine. Fill cupcake cups with cake batter until they are a little under 3/4 full. I ended up with 20 cupcakes. Place muffin tins in your preheated oven. Bake for approximately 20, rotating pans halfway through. The cupcakes are done when you are able to pat the tops and the cake springs back up. If it sinks down they are not yet complete. Or you can insert a toothpick into the center of a cupcake in the center of the tin and if it comes out clean they are done!

5. Cool the cupcakes in their tins on a wire rack for 10 minutes then remove and allow to cool completely before frosting.

6. Enjoy!

Now the cream cheese frosting is all mine! Mine I tell you!
1 pkg cream cheese
1/2 stick of butter
Put them in the micro-nuker for 30 secs. Yes, silly, unwrap them, geez.
Put them in the blender and turn it on. When its all nice and squishy add...
1/2 pkg powdered sugar
splash of vanilla
Blend some more in your blender with the blending paddle blender thingy. (I love my kitchen aid mixer)
Oh. Be sure to scrape down the sides. Cream cheese likes to be stubborn.
Taste. Taste again. One more time. Is it perfect? Are you sure? Your positive?
Only fools are positive. Are you sure? I'm positive.
Now taste the frosting with the batter jsut to be absolutely sure it goes together. Oh. Wait. That's just me.
Has the batter grown while you made the frosting?
Mine did too. I was afraid it would be a never ending bowl of cupcake batter. Finally the hot water killed it in a bloody mess down the sink.
It was awesome.


Ok so now your done. Wait till the cupcakes are cool before you frost them. I use a bag with a large open tip and put the tip almost down to the cake and squeeze and rise at same time. Add the sprinkles. They are a requirement.

Repeat.

Want some of mine? I have 60 of them.

Happy Valentines Day!